Monday, August 16, 2004

Pearls of Wisdom

Whether in full color, sepia tones (see above), black and white, or op-ed ID lithography, Peggy Noonan, the official high priestess of the conservative punditocracy, owes her success as much to her high-bourgeois style as to her eloquent turns of phrase and elegant on-camera presence. Always smartly turned out in the latest in upper-middle class business casual, Noonan can trust that her waspish good taste and received-idea filled gravitas--as well as her just this side of snooty diction--will carry her audience smilingly through even the most patently bogus and noxiously partisan of rhetorical maneuvers, whether they include taking on the disembodied voice of a recently dead and sainted man to rain fire upon his friends and allies--and her avowed enemies--or claiming in the introduction to her book "The Case Against Hillary Clinton", for transparently rhetorical reasons, that at the start of the Clinton Administration she had sincerely had the highest of hopes for the oh-so-promising Miss Rodham-Clinton, she could have been such a great first lady. But alas, she was to disappoint us all, it wasn't meant to be, etc., etc.

The word "disingenuous" is not in Ms. Noonan's vocabulary. Words like "strength," "fortitude", and "resolve" take up too much space in her well-paid brain to leave room for the language of "doubters" and "cynics"; every good speechwriter knows to hold fast and true to the proven classics. And what, besides her soft, soothing upper middle-class coo, is more classic than Peggy Noonan's everpresent pearl necklace? Whether deigning to weigh in on urgent matters of state or contributing to the soft journalism of quotidian Presidential kitsch (Democrats need not apply), Peggy Noonan simply would not be caught dead without her beloved fruit of the sea. Exactly what kind of heathen do you take her for?

"Consuela, donde esta mis necklace de pearls, por favor? Yo necesito be on 'Topic A with Tina Brown' in una hora! Consuela?!"
"Well, of course I looked there, what am I, stupida? No, they aren't there. Oh just leave I'll find them."
"That's ok, Consuela, si, gracias."
Mutter, grumble, mutter.
"Goddamnit, I'll bet she took 'em, that conniving wetback puta."

Ah yes, Peggy Noonan, our slow-to-wither Beltway princess, is indeed a woman worthy of her pearls.


Blogger Hurricane James said...

Peggy is such a sharp lady and snazzy dresser, but she's no Kellyanne Conway. I cannot wait for Rick Santorum to deliver the convention speech she's writing for him. I sincerely do hope it's a success. Maybe he'll reward her with a very special pearl necklace.

August 17, 2004 at 10:28 AM  

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