Monday, June 28, 2004

Save Bridget


If you're looking for further proof that Hollywood is irredeemably fucked, just step on over to Bridget Fonda's page on the IMDB and take a peek at the top half of her filmography.

Yeah, yeah, maybe her agent's a total rebo, maybe she's made some bad choices--the obligatory thankless gf in "Monkeybone," anyone?--maybe she's lost her skills...

But wait, that latter possibility is utterly im-. We are talking here about the Bridget Fonda of Singles, Single White Female, Scandal, Point of No Return, even such otherwise pathetic comic duds as It Could Happen to You and Doc Hollywood! We are talking about the actress from Jackie Brown who, whether getting high, smoking a cig, drinking a delicious vanilla protein shake, getting unsatisfyingly rear-ended by a stiff and sexually incompetent Robert DeNiro, or teasing an unstable man--"Lewis. Lewisss. Lew-hiss."--to the point of femmicide, teased out that slender, delectable thread of self-satisfied, self-indulgent malice latent in all stoner chicks. We are talking about the best actress ever.

Look around at the actresses getting steady work these days: Charlize Theron, Angelina Jolie, Kate "Please Die Soon" Hudson, Jennifer "Radio Face" Aniston, Vanity Fair's latest quickly forgotten "discovery", like Gretchen Mol and all the other whatshernames. The only thing they have more of than Bridget is fat in their lips. Harlots and hussies, each and every last one of them.

And then look at Bridget, languishing in TV movie, straight-to-DVD hell. But don't worry, Bridget--I'm coming for you. I'm coming to Hollywood soon, and I've got a plum role ready and waiting for you if you'll deign to accept it. Your HW stock will soar again, just you wait. You are my light. You are my inspiration.

Bobo

12 Comments:

Blogger Anonymous said...

Don't worry. The Fonda's are all hip again in Hollywood now that Kerry's been called "the anti-war Jane Fonda liberal."

June 28, 2004 at 4:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

BF is the best, I agree. LEW-HISSSSS!
MSMART

June 29, 2004 at 9:27 AM  
Blogger Hurricane James said...

This is my favorite thing Bridget Fonda has ever said on screen: "Why do you talk so faggy, Bob?"

June 29, 2004 at 12:28 PM  
Blogger Bobo said...

I know. I remember sitting in the theater, getting chills. She said it just as I was leaning over and commenting bitchily on how awful Gabriel Byrne looks in black--looks in anything, really--and I froze in mid-sentence.

June 29, 2004 at 1:30 PM  
Blogger Hurricane James said...

It must have really hit home.

June 29, 2004 at 4:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I stole this sentiment wholesale and expressed it as my own. Just wanted you to know.

July 6, 2004 at 5:15 PM  
Blogger Bobo said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

July 6, 2004 at 9:18 PM  
Blogger Bobo said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

July 6, 2004 at 9:18 PM  
Blogger Bobo said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

July 6, 2004 at 9:18 PM  
Blogger Bobo said...

Anonymous, care to enlighten me about the context for your wholesale theft? It's not an easy thing to shoehorn into everyday conversation.

y: God, it's so sticky out, I hate NY in the summer.
x: I know! I love Bridget Fonda too!
y: I feel like I'm melting in this heat, and I just showered.
x: Exactly! Especially in that movie!

July 6, 2004 at 9:19 PM  
Blogger Bobo said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

July 6, 2004 at 9:19 PM  
Blogger Bobo said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

July 6, 2004 at 9:19 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home