Tuesday, June 22, 2004

More Exceptions (I Am Not Paranoid)



I get a lot of deranged letters from crackpots at work, most of which I promptly toss into the recycling bin. But, unethical as it is to post this poor, paranoid woman's rantings, it is simply too good to resist:

Dear editors,

My story isn't of paranoid--sic--but of multiple attempts to poison me. My life has come under scrutiny by various government intelligent--sic--agencies. That every step I make is known this constant surveillance has cross--sic--the line of illegal activities. The surveillance and listening devices have been placed in the house I reside in and every move and word spoken is known. All personal electronic devices have been bugged also. To include my computer the CD drive just shut down. As I was talking with a customer service representative that had me to delete--sic--a previously installed free online service. (Um, sic?) There after--sic--the computer wouldn't recognize the CD drive. My recently purchased cell phone have--sic--numerous problems that include not receiving telephone calls sometime. (Ok sic um sic, I give up sic.)

Having always been a consumer of water for years drinking up to 80 fluid ounces a day. After returning to any store more than once the water products are constantly coming up poison. To the extent adverse reactions are felt immediately. This has happen at every store I have returned too. Some of the water products are so blatant that the smell is foul. As the problem with the water is so pervasive that it is unsafe to drink any water products at any of these stores that I frequent.

The use of public bathrooms had become so severe that a constant infection would occur immediately that include a burning effect. Mostly from bathroom at hotels downtown their paper products, toilet tissue, paper towels, and hand tissues all were infected that caused a vaginal burning.

I have written Jeff Lampinski the Director of FBI Philadelphia informing him of these incidents. It is no surprise that no reply have been forth coming. I also have sent letters to Mr. William Mueller Director FBI Washington DC and Mr. Tom Ridge Director of Homeland Security.

Sincerely,

Lady X

These crackpots, in all their lunacy, always manage to come up with shards of lovely poeticism..."coming up poison" and "a vaginal burning" would both, I feel, make excellent titles for albums or collections of poetry. I would advise lady x, however, not to seek help for her u.t.i. or yeast infection from Mr. Tom Ridge. He makes a great Director of something-or-other but a pretty lousy gynecologist.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

BOBO! Ethics aside, that was amaaaazing. Thanks for posting that. It made my day. I am experiencing a burning all my own. :)
Mike Smart

June 24, 2004 at 10:00 AM  

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