Thursday, June 24, 2004

Big Dick




'Has a' or 'is a'?

Back before gmail when friendster was all the rage, I remember I used to get these patently mass solicitations to come over and hang out with Houston Bernard at his lame-ass Yahoo newsgroup. It was a very bland and rote bit of self-promotional boilerplate, but he did have the courtesy to mention his generously portioned 9 inch dick in the text. (Cut or uncut, I can't recall, but I'm sure he mentioned it). I downloaded a few Houston tunes, looked at some Houston pics, contemplated buying a Houston hat or keychain. I decided against it, of course, because this guy is about as openly rebo as a person can possibly be without getting put in a home for the terminally rebo.

I thought at the time that he was the perfect specimen to prove my thesis that electro, which was already over at the time, represented the nadir of NYC's subcultural possibilities, with all its lame-o "downtown" posturing and potty-mouthed fronting. If you didn't mind wrapping your titties in saran wrap or your package in a dirty sock and getting onstage and lip-synching in-front of a small audience predisposed to thinking saran-wrapped titties and dirty-sock beclad baskets are the apex of cool, you could be briefly, marginally famous. Perfect for bored rich girls in NYC who wanted to be a)shocking, b)popular, c)famous, but who were too lazy to a) write songs, b) sing songs, c) do anything that hadn't already been done in the early 70s. Sex in pop songs, like, obviously rools, but rhyming 'tittie' with 'clittie' and 'coochie' with 'hoochie' gets old pretty quick.

Of course, I'm totally over it and I've decided two years too late that electroclash is where it's at! Check out my new rhymes...I promise to get some audio streams up soon.


I'm gonna cum on your titties
I'm gonna cum on your pretty, little, titties
Now sit on my face let me lick that clittie
Damn girl
I said damn
that cooch as fine as hooch.

Bobo hats and keychains coming soon.

Word.

5 Comments:

Blogger TinyRabbit said...

Think it would be catchier if everything, say, rhymed with gonad. Raise the, um, stakes a little.

And there's some truly advanced cum/fun/yum/perineum action that is going truly...underutilized, in my most humble, sticky-fingered opinion.

June 24, 2004 at 5:03 PM  
Blogger Bobo said...

But you're a poet, bunny rabbit. I'm a rapper/performance artist/provocateur.

Two different worlds...

June 24, 2004 at 8:06 PM  
Blogger Bobo said...

I'd like to take this opportunity to add that electro music is actually the most fun of any kind of music to dance to. Hip-hop: I don't have the rhythm. Disco: I can't do "the shuffle", so why bother trying? Actual, unironic New Wave: Hard not to concentrate on the words. Salsa: Only with chips and guac.

If only by default, electro has at least that going for it. Where's the new-wave revival revival?

June 25, 2004 at 3:24 AM  
Blogger TinyRabbit said...

Your bunny's a hack, boy—-too many nights spent shilling for Quik.But she'll let you pat her fluffy haunches if you're nice.

June 25, 2004 at 10:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hah. i did a remix for houston bernard's 'lick suck dick fuck' track (in a decidedly non-electro fashion). i've never listened to the original, though.

-cburns

July 1, 2004 at 4:48 PM  

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